Sticks and stones may break my bones

You've all heard the saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me," and of course at some point in your life you realized this was an untrue statement, words do hurt. But the kind of words that hurt is changing.

Certain words have lost their meaning, the aim behind them meant to inflict pain or incite anger. Overuse can be partly to blame but the truth of the matter is that our society has changed. People have changed, mostly for the worse.

Two insults, which come to mind, that have lost all meaning are "bastard" and "son of a bitch." The first insult referenced the illegitimate offspring of unmarried parents, or a child out of wedlock. At one point in history this was seen as shameful and was usually concealed by a quick marriage or a long-term vacation spent with relatives. Today, however, this barely raises an eyebrow. The insult is still used today but it's largely a substitute for calling someone stupid.

The second insult was meant to imply someone's mother was a whore, or a loose woman. Again, at one point in history, these were fighting words and sometimes ended in bloodshed. Mothers were valued and were off limits from insult, even among criminals. Today, some women have the word "bitch" on their bumper sticker, and they're proud of it, and the mother-son relationship has seen better days. What was once an insult might actually be taken as a compliment in some circles.

Today we throw out insults such as "right-wing evangelical" or "left-wing liberal nut" because these terms still carry some weight. They have meaning that is still relevant to our lives in a world where loose women and unwed mothers are becoming the majority due to immoral men and unfit fathers sperm-donors.

What does it say about our society when meaning is a rare commodity? When words are empty and mimic our shallow lifestyles? And yes, the two insults I mentioned were hateful and harsh but I do miss meaning behind words.

Potential killers

We are all potential killers, child molesters, rapists, thieves, et al. The only thing standing between us and the criminals we lock up in prison or execute is the choices we make in life. It's not our genetic makeup. It's our self control over the moments and circumstances presented to us.

Many people doubt this because they're under the impression people are good by nature but it's the complete opposite. We are flawed at the moment of conception. We have to be taught right from wrong, as we're more apt to choose wrong over right. We prefer to lie, cheat and steal versus, as it's the easier way to get our way.

Each day we are presented with ever-changing circumstances that force us to make a decision as to the kind of person we will become. Whether it's our environment - our place on the map, our family life, our income, etc.; our physical being - our gender, our physical appearance, etc.; or some other factor, we are given a choice at each "fork in the road" to make the right or wrong choice.

But someone as evil as a child molester, one would argue, must be somehow different than everyone else. There must be an "evil" gene they carry the rest of us do not carry. The answer is no. They are the same as us, they simply made one bad choice over another that set them down the path of pedophilia. They didn't start out as a sexual pervert, they made choices such as pornography that corrupted their natural desires and turned them evil.

Our outcome is a response of our choices. If we spend time studying math we become mathematicians. If we spend our time looking at pornography we become sexual perverts. Cause and effect.

Thus, we are all potential criminals. It's the choices we make that define us. We can be a kind, loving person, or we can be a mean, selfish person. The more time we spend being kind and loving, the more charitable and selfless we become. Or, we can spend time being mean and selfish, becoming more and more selfish until we have no moral restraint in killing, raping or stealing from others in order to satisfy our own sinful desires.

Brotherly advice

Growing up with two older brothers one would expect to receive brotherly advice every now and then, but in fact, I don't recall ever getting any. It could be due to the age gap between us - five years to Adam and seven years to Aaron - but I think its something else. I honestly don't believe they have any advice to give, verbally that is.

Aaron, the oldest, has probably taught me the most throughout the years. He became living proof of what "not" to do in life. The smartest and most-talented, in my opinion, he threw his life away in rebellion, drugs and alcohol. He's the "prodigal son," so to speak, in the family who hasn't quite returned "home."  I'm not sure if he ever will but I do pray he finds his way.

Adam, the most successful out of the three of us (in terms of income), has taught me a lot as well. It too is similar in the way in which Aaron has taught me. I learned from Adam its okay to cry. Adam used to cry and then one day he stopped and it hardened his heart forever. I learned to share my life with my family (parents, sisters, etc) and to draw my own family closer to them. With Adam's family, Smoot family gatherings always feel forced, if they even happen at all. And I learned what it takes to truly be the "head" of the household and of the difficult decisions it takes to manage a family, and not to take the easy way out, from child discipline to putting one's foot down and having the final word. I love him to death but I feel he's been backing down on critical issues.

I do hope I've been a better example to my two sisters and that I've taught them by making the better of two choices. I'm far from perfect and I don't expect my brothers to be perfect, but I do expect some positive brotherly advice from time to time, whether verbally or from life examples.

Quote for the day

"...if we are hard toward God, we will become hard toward other people." Oswald Chambers, My Utmost For His Highest, March 30

The root of the problem

It seems everyone is up in arms about the drug violence occurring in Mexico and the impact it's having in the United States. The news media has become obsessed with pushing their own agenda that America is not doing enough to eradicate illegal drugs and the Mexican drug cartel, and congress and the president are behaving like typical hand puppets for the media.

But no one is talking about the root of the problem - the actual drug-use itself. Why is no one questioning this issue, or addressing the problem of why there is such a demand for illegal drugs. If there are no buyers then, voila, there are no sellers.

Seriously, why is no one talking about why so many Americans are taking illegal drugs? Well, generally speaking, they're unhappy. They hate their current reality and thus seek out a different reality through the use of drugs or alcohol. Why not address this issue? Making something "illegal" does not fix the issue. You need to address the root of the problem - people's unhappiness.

Fix this and you solve the drug war. Short and simple.

I like boring

I am a man of routines. I find life so much easier while following a routine, from getting up in the morning to going to bed I have certain routines that I have developed that keep me organized and keep me happy. My wife even makes fun of me because I have taken some routines to the extreme, such as wearing nearly identical outfits to work each day (blue shirt and khakis), but it's so easy to get dressed in the mornings.

It's boring, I know, but I like it. I like simple pleasures too. I like drinking decaf coffee in my free evenings and cuddling up to watch an old TV show. I like eating dinner with friends and catching up on each others' lives. I like pulling up a favorite music album during the day or listening to instrumental music while going asleep. These things make me happy and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I like being home. A lot of my friends, it seems, cannot sit still long enough to even enjoy their furniture in the their homes but not me. I find being at home relaxing. I like hearing my son playing "pretend" in his room with his added sound effects. I like sneaking up on my wife in the kitchen to pinch her butt. I like hearing my neighbors outside, either walking their dog, sprucing up their yards or arriving home from work. This is especially nice in the spring and fall months.

For some people this may seem like a nightmare but for me it's near perfection. A "night on the town" may be exciting for some but for me that sounds too much like overpriced booze, sluts on a dance floor and a hangover in the morning. Not my cup of tea. Give me a good movie instead.

Or how about spending an afternoon watching college football or attending a NFL game in some big arena? I say, why waste a good afternoon when one could be moving the lawn, napping in a hammock and later enjoying a drink and cigar with a neighbor.  I got better things in mind than watching a soon-to-be or current millionaire tossing a ball to another fellow millionaire. Let them get a real job.

So, there you have it. I like boring. I like routines, I like simple and I like quiet evenings. I like real, authentic moments shared among family, friends and neighbors. Forget about the noise, the hassle of attending some big event and the overpriced goods. Give me a beautiful Saturday and a cold lemonade any day.

The war on Sunday

Ever since I could remember there has been an silent war waged for Sundays in an effort to win the hearts and minds of individuals and turn them away from attending church. This unnamed evil, if you will, who I believe is the devil, is strategically luring people away from the traditional Sunday routine of attending church.

It first started with extending commerce over into Sundays. Monday through Saturday would simply not do. Restaurants, grocery stores, malls, et al, who previously had been closed, opened their doors and it was business as usual. Next came sporting events, mainly football, which was soon followed by "Super Bowl Sunday."

Is there any wonder as to why the Sunday paper is the biggest? It just so happens retail stores begin their sales on Sunday. And the sport's page? But you see where I'm going with this. There are suddenly so many "excuses" as to why one cannot attend church. Saturday nights are now reserved for parties and draw the most crowds, especially later into the evening, which is counter productive to getting up early to attend church service.

Not to mention the negative effects from the media in our culture that make church less appealing with each passing day (e.g. Homer Simpson vs. Ned Flanders). There's also the drawbacks of actually attending a church service of certain faiths, such as the Catholic church, where traditions outweigh the message and attendees get lost in old customs and old language. How many Catholics do you know who attend Mass on a frequent basis?

All of this goes to show there is a silent war being waged to keep people busy, or preoccupied, or otherwise engaged elsewhere other than in the church, and this is especially true for men who are more susceptible to sports, the Sunday paper, etc. Women, on the other hand, tend to show up at church more often, children in tow, as they worry more about the moral growth of their families.

In closing, I believe the devil is winning this battle, as church attendance is diminishing. Until our society wakes up and realizes the profound impact of ignoring God and avoiding moral instruction from the church, we will draw closer to ruin. Our great nation will become a Sodom and Gomorrah.

Forgetting to look up

Sometimes I get so caught up in looking where I'm stepping I forget to look up to where I'm actually going. I get caught up in the minor details, such as watching out for cracks, holes or puddles of mud, that I forget the whole purpose of my walk or trip.

The same applies to the holidays, or more specifically, to Christmas. I get so caught up in gift buying, the lights and music, the goodies, etc. that I forget to look up and focus on the big picture - the actual meaning behind the season.

Luckily I was reminded of this today and I have two weeks to stop and look ahead toward the special day and all its glory. To be reminded of just exactly what it means. It's not about Santa Claus or reindeer but about Jesus coming down to earth to be closer to the children he loves and adores. He chose the human form so we, as human beings, could relate to Him on a more personal level and that He could show us how to truly be self-giving rather than self-serving.

Merry Christmas!

Give me what I want...

"Just give me what I want and no one gets hurt," as sung by Bono from the rock group U2, is such a true statement that reflects the attitudes of today's culture. Everyone wants, wants, wants and they will do just about anything to get it, being a possession, their own way or a special privilege or power, and they won't stop until they have it.  And only then, after their wants are met completely, are they willing to share the leftovers, or charity, as we call it today.

Some people steal or kill to obtain their wants. Some people lie or cheat.  Others do it more indirectly such as hoarding or over consuming. By hoarding I mean hoarding their wealth or resources such as time and skills. People hoard money is multiple ways, including their financial portfolios, 401ks, 529s, savings accounts, etc. I'm not saying these are not good things to have but these items can become the perfect excuses for not giving to others.  Like I stated, we give to ourselves first and only when we are satisfied do we give to others.

The Walton family, heirs to the Wal-mart fortune, only gave one percent of their income to charity, reported by BusinessWeek magazine back in December 2003. The same for Warren Buffet. In contract, Bill Gates gave 54 percent. How about the Obamas? They also gave less than 1 percent from 2000 to 2004.  These figures say a lot about our culture; especially when it's reported America's poor are it's more generous givers.

Not only do we hoard, we also over consume. We buy electronics with more options than we'll actually use, more food than we'll actually eat, and in general, more stuff than we actually need. We contribute more to landfills than we contribute to recycling centers. We've nearly completely stopped contributing to society and instead have focused solely on our self interests.  And we want more.

We want more money.  We want more stuff.  We want more sex, more dirty sex. We want more power. We want more government handouts. We want more rights and not general rights but specialized rights. And we want less shame for our indiscretions and more acceptance of our lifestyles.

And we get mad when we don't get our way. We sue, we picket, we chant, and we whine to Congress to enforce our wants. If everything goes our way we typically are delightful people but when things don't go our way we become bitter, angry people. Like the phrase goes...

Give me what I want and no one gets hurt.

Hollywood reality

Okay, so I'm back on Hollywood, or more specifically, Hollywood's failed attempt to capture reality. Whether it's in the movies with their latest indie film or with their latest reality television show (e.g. I'm a Celebrity...Get Me the Hell Out of Here), it's evident that Hollywood and it's NY writers have lost touch with the real reality.

Not only are they producing total crap these days, they have also forgotten the real reason why people buy movie tickets, which is so the viewer can get lost in the story; namely, a fictional, non-reality story. Movie goers want to get lost in a fantasy like Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter, which is their short-term escape from reality.  Why would they want to pay to spend and hour or two in someone else's sense of reality.

I will say it again, movies should be more about quality than quantity.